sparkling confessions

Love

2012-02-11T01:19:00.000-08:00

Dear Mooon,

Today, I finally admitted to myself that I am in love with him. I am in love with a guy who is in love with someone else. Ouch! He's not married, not even in a relationship but I feel that he is into somebody else. It hurts, a bit, but I know I'd get over it, or I'm just trying to comfort myself.

He's the type of guy who keeps to himself, who never studies but who gets straight A's, who laughs only with the simplest things and who enjoys apps that makes him beat high scores! Yes, he is that competitive. He may not be that comfortable when I'm around but I know, he considers me his friend but the idiot that I am, fell for him and got my heart broken.

This entry does not really rationalize or jive in with my title but I will still call it such because believe it or not, I feel that I am in love with this guy but still unsure though. I am happy when I'm around him and I feel empty when he ignores me. (Sounds like puppy love to me) HAHAHA But the bottom line here is the fact that I enjoy his company and I am willing to let him choose who he really wants to be happy. That in itself my friends is LOVE. <3

in the end :)

2012-02-09T06:46:00.001-08:00

Dear Mooon,

Unexpectedly, my day ended up well. I finished everything that has to be finished, reviewed everything I have to review and of course get the rest that I need. Tomorrow, we'll be postponing our Chemistry Lecture and Laboratory periods for a seminar and I'd be sharing to you about it mkay?! HAHAHA

Have good sleep mooon! :) TCA!

NOT SO FAIRYTALE-ish

2012-02-08T20:26:00.000-08:00

Dear Mooon,

And so today is a really tiring day! WHEW!
I have to research and research about the proposed Bus Rapid Transit System that would be put-up in our city! This, I suppose might give some good things to us but there could be "don'ts" as well.
And also because of this research marathon of mine, I HAVE TO END HERE! HAHAHA

Have a good day! :)

TODAY WAS A FAIRYTALE

2012-02-07T00:30:00.000-08:00

And so in our Sociology class, we talked about the family. How it is formed, how responsibilities are divided by it's members and the advantages of being in a family than being alone. In class we also discussed the advantages and disadvantages of being single and being married. Things were flowing smoothly during the reporting esp when it was "my star"(refer to this post -http://sparklingconfessions.blogspot.com/2012/01/my-star.html ) who was explaining stuff :) So proud. :p

And so our teacher tried to conclude the class by telling us how she found her true love :) She asked us what we want our future partners to be like. She made us list down these qualities and she made us realize the importance of inner peace when you choose the love of your life :)

It was a great experience. finally knowing what you want from somebody and finally knowing what was wrong in your previous engagements with people. It also made me realize the importance of being in love with oneself before reaching out to others. The family then is then the foundation of this love, the source of love and one of the best recipients of love.

HAPPY LOVE MONTH! <3

EARTHQUAKE

2012-02-06T00:49:00.000-08:00

At around 11:49 am local time, we experienced a 6.8 magnitude earthquake which scared the wits out of me! All my things fell from the shelves and people were flocking exits and were on their dials to contact other loved ones.

I was pretty scared about what happened but I kept calm. I must do so because I want to think clearly in case of emergencies. I am quite happy with myself because I did not let panic rule over me. But then, while I was walking back to my dormitory after a Tsunami signal was raised, a woman handed be this leaflet and BOOOOOM! What a way to scare and make people creep-out! HAHAHA

But thank God! We're all safe though tired from all the running around and thinking. :)
PRAISE BE THE LORD!

Missing You

2012-02-05T05:47:00.002-08:00

Today, it rained quite hard.
I can't help but miss the people that I get to spend time with before.
My classmates, my high school teachers and friends and all others.

Let it rain.

You're a TRUE FRIEND

2012-01-22T23:00:00.000-08:00

Extended sleep over with my dear friend Christy! :)
We talked much, much, much and Laughed so, so much! HAHAHA
Thanks Christy!

2012-01-20T21:01:00.000-08:00

THIS IS LOVE <3

2012-01-20T20:52:00.001-08:00

Midterm exams are over! :)
Rest a bit and start studying again next week!

God Bless! <3

My STAR :)

2012-01-07T18:43:00.000-08:00

Havingsomebody who understands how you feel makes things easier to bear. Aside fromthis blog, I have this somebody who knows all the feelings that I keep deepinside me.

This somebody also hadhis own struggles in life. He was also compared to someone but he overcomesthis circumstance through positive thinking and through the power of“ignore-ignore”. At first, I never thought that I could relate to thissomebody. He was so, I don’t know. HAHAHA. He’s Super smart, super “I don’tunderstand”, super snobbish to me, super “I don’t care about . . .” type.

It’s quite funny how Igot to talk to him about everything, even things I couldn’t get to share withmy super close super friends.

And so from now on, I’ll call him “STAR” in this blog. Starbecause stars are being looked up for they are high up there in the sky. Startbecause I want to be up there too, to his present situation, a situation wherehe has proven that he is not what they think he is. He is my star, my idol. Andso from now on, I’ll be a little more kind in dealing with him. HAHAHA. I’lltake care of my sole confessor, my sole consoler and my sole and true-blueadviser.

Thank you dear star. Thank you for being around, for acceptingme as I am and for continuously helping me to get out of this life’s ruckusalive. Thank you and I am more that blessed to have you. :-)

2011-12-22T07:35:00.000-08:00

Dear Mooon,

Today was one great day. I saw one of my dearest friends. She's May Ann. The noisiest, funniest and the jolliest person in the world. We talked about lots of things, mostly about how we were these past few days. I am happy, really happy to have somebody like her who knows me more than others.

What made me happier was her open mind about my present physical appearance. Yes, she noticed how I gained weight but she didn't react as unpleasantly as others. She noted how I should lessen my carbs and how I should watch what I eat especially during the yuletide season. I appreciated her concern and her advice. She, unlike others, treated me normally. No change, no sign of disgust and all.

I love May Ann and her spirit. I care about her a lot, just like how I care about all my other friends. And I hope that, like her, some of them would open themselves to me again and would learn to accept what I came to be. :)

Happy Christmas! :)

Sparklingzee <3

HOW AM I?

2011-12-20T21:29:00.000-08:00

Dear Mooon,

Haven't been writing to you these past few days. I'm sorry. I was preoccupied with school and all other preparations for yuletide :D

So I just came home from my annual Christmas shopping :p Got two new pairs of flats, then some shirts and a denim shorts. Shorts is not really in for the season but I can't help but buy it, t'was really cool and I imagine myself wearing it this summer :p I also bought gifts for the whole family and for some friends. :)

I'm still facing some teasing and stuff about how I gained weight, but surprisingly, I wasn't as bothered as I was before. But even with that, I'm really trying hard to lose the extra pounds I've gained which will be most difficult with all the Christmas dishes that mom and I would be preparing soon ;p

Pray for me then.
Take care always!

The Battle of the Best

2011-11-26T21:03:00.000-08:00

Dear Mooon,

I'm in SM Cebu at the moment, in the bowling center to be specific. :D
The place is bustling with bowlers from all around the Philippines since today, CETBA, in coordination with SM Bowling Center, hosts the annual National Bowling Tour 2011.

Bowlers of all ages are in their best moods as they put the pins down. I was also delighted to see you ones playing side by side with their seniors and ladies playing along with men. Thus showing us that bowling is the sport for all ages and of both genders.

Before I went here with my dad, we ate dinner first and had an animated chat with each other. It was then that I discovered how he badly he dreams of being a competitor in the National Bowling Open. Touched by my father's eagerness, I adviced him to get on with his practice and to be inspired all the time. With that, I saw my father's most genuine and rarest smiles.

In my heart . . .

2011-11-26T00:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Mooon,
Nothings quite new today except that we went to celebrate the beginning of Christmas in Marco Polo Hotel. I was with my friends Stephen, Christy and Owen. The place was great, the view was magnificent and the people around us were warm and thoughtful. We enjoyed the carols played and yeah, we enjoyed taking pictures. :p

2011-11-25T08:18:00.001-08:00

Merry Christmas! <3

Fire!

2011-11-24T11:25:00.000-08:00

Dear Mooon!

I'm mad! Really mad!

You see, they've been teasing me with this guy who's not of good character! They always say this and say that and they always make it a point to tease me when he's around. But then today, I just hit home and fired out! I said really wrong words a while ago which made people shut it out! HAAAAAY! So much for self control, eh? So here I am, trying to keep my calm and to regain my fine mood.

By the way, we were practicing for our founder's day anniversary celebration. I really do hope we win. :D

Take Care and Pray for me.

:*

Movie and Heavy Lunch! :p

2011-11-23T17:14:00.000-08:00

Dear Mooon! :D

After being dismissed early from my lab work, me and my friends went to Joan's house to hang-out, eat lunch and watch a movie. We watched Change Up without knowing how rated it was! HAHAHA In normal circumstances, I would have vomited but I think the presence of my friends made a stomach a bit stronger! LOL! We didn't finish the movie though, but we got the whole thought of it! :p

And another thing, I also noticed how my friend ******* is starting to distance herself from us. She doesn't talk to us that much anymore and she somewhat leaves us to ourselves after every class. HAAAAAY! I really don't know what to do with her, she's starting to be anti-social, snob and all words synonymous to the other two! :( I'd try to ask her tomorrow, or the next day, or as soon as I can. I wouldn't want to lose any friend! I hate it! I want gaining one instead of losing some! Hmph!

But then, I wouldn't let this turn-down affect my good mood! :D

Thanks for listening to me Mooon! :D I'll catch up on you later! :D

Keeping the faith with friends

2011-11-22T19:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Mooon!

After class, I went to the basilica with my classmates. We prayed for guidance and we thanked the Lord for guiding us all throughout. We lined up to see the Holy Child's image up close and we personally said our thanks to Him and to God.

After we lined up, we threw coins in the wishing well. My classmate Stephen Rod, whom I personally see as a Physics geek, tried to throw his coin to the uppermost shell. He tried using angles and stuff but unfortunately he only reached the shell before his aim. But even though he was not able to achieve his goal, I'm still proud of him cause he was practically applying his learning from school to real life.

These are my high school friends, May Ann, Joey and Loreen

Another happy thing that happened to me today was seeing my dear friend and high-school classmate Joey. He was all grown up now, as in literally! So mature and so manly! HAHAHA The funny thing about that meeting was that, me and my college friends were taking our pictures and then he called me out and I thought he was a waiter! HAHAHA Blame all that to his uniform! :p But when I realized that it was him, I ran and hugged him really tight. It was then that I realized how much I miss my high school years, how much I miss my friends and classmates and how much I miss being young and carefree.

Sleeping Joey! :p

And so today, I rekindled both my relationship with God and with my previous and young self. Today was another good day to keep the faith with friends.

Breaking Dawn

2011-11-20T10:37:00.000-08:00

Hello Mooon!

I watched breaking dawn with my friends Florence and Alexandra yesterday! And one things for sure, you'd actually notice how their make-up improved! What I mean is, they don't look over-powdered anymore! They look natural! Most of the characters got even hotter and Seth, the youngest member of the shape shifters, started to gain much attention from the girls of the crowd.

Rob Pattinson, Kristine Stewart and Taylor Lautner did well in portraying the lead characters! Some scenes were added to improve the book's coverage but still it was a stick to the book interpretation and if you are like me who have read the book, you will really fit what they portrayed to be somewhat similar to the images playing in your head while reading. There was no dull moment in the movie and the pregnant and almost dying Bella was really realistic! The breaking the bones and stuff, the blood drinking from a cup, the vomiting!

I enjoyed the whole movie and I can't wait to sink my teeth on the next part of the movie! Watch it twilight fans! it's worth the wait!

November 17, 2011

2011-11-17T23:54:00.000-08:00

Hello Mooon,

Today, I went out with my dear friends. We ate dinner together, walked around the mall and had some Krispy Kreme! :D

I am very happy cause for once in my life I didn't think of time. I did not bother look at my phone to see if Papa was calling me or if Mama had inquired how I was. I just felt free. Free to speak, laugh and run around. I felt like I was another person! It sounds crazy, I know, but that's how I really felt! :D

When we arrived at the shopping center we agreed to have dinner first before roaming around. We we're asking each other where we would eat and I voluntarily said "Mooon Cafe!" And they we're like "Hey, why not here, why not there?" HAHAHA And so we ended up eating in Hukad, a Filipino Cuisine Restaurant. It was a bit pricey but we loved the dishes. We ordered calamares, pork belly, sinigang, fried tuna fingers, and chicken pandan. Our table seemed to be crowded before we ate but after a few minutes, all plates were as clean as new! HAHAHA yeah, I know, we eat like we haven’t eaten before.

After all the roaming around we arrived home at around 9pm! I really enjoyed my day and I am more than blessed to have these friends with me.

Where's my confidence?

2011-11-14T23:45:00.000-08:00

Dear Mooon,

My mom just came home and she was so happy to share to us her plans about the Christmas Party she's been busy with. She was animatedly talking about it over dinner and I'm happy about her enthusiasm. Everything was well until she mentioned about me being the emcee of the program. Well if she mentioned it before, I would have been happy but tonight, I reacted differently.

I am good with public speaking, it's my forte actually. i can make a speech in 3 mins, I can make something out of a topic and I am best with talking to people and reaching out to them in any way possible. Hosting, that's a piece of cake. But it was only tonight that I realized that my confidence dwindled down as I started to lose weight. It seems like my tongue got fatter and heavier, it's like it changed a lot.

I'm sad because I can no longer do something that I am good at and I really love, something that defined me just a few months ago. I hate myself for not being able to control myself. I hate myself for having to say no to my mom and for walking out in the middle of our meal.

I'm sorry mom for being a coward but i can't do you this favor, I am ashamed to face people with my present condition. Actually i was thinking of never going out of the house when not for school and church until I lose some weight. I want to cower in my room, not to leave until I become presentable so as to avoid comparisons with my younger sister who has better form.

I am really sorry for developing hate with the people around me. Sorry if I get envious with my sister, sorry for not being confident with myself anymore.

CONFIDENCE, WHERE ARE YOU?

Today's a Sunday

2011-11-06T13:53:00.000-08:00

Hello Mooon,

Sorry I wasn't able to get back to you last night cause I has so much house work to do and so I tucked in right after all those.

So about the mall adventure, well it turned out quite fine, nothing pretty worth sharing happened and i was quite proud with myself because I hadn't had any urge to cry when I see clothes that wouldn't fit me any more.

And then today, A Sunday, we went to church for our regular Sunday service. I was quite disturbed with the stares that people are giving me. Was it because I gained weight? Well, you see, I was once a really skinny girl and before I went to college I get to church often because I was part of the chorale. So the people there were quite staring unusually, it was as if they're seeing something really quite unpleasant. I opted to ignore all those stares and went on with the service.

So afterwards we went home to have lunch and then the phone rang. Our helper answered it and she said it was for me. I answered the call which was actually from a friend I saw in church earlier today. We were talking about church stuff, the schedule of our practices until she come up with a really interesting topic. She told me the reason why people were staring at me today. It was because some were thinking that I was immoral. Why immoral? Because they were thinking that I was pregnant! That's the reason why they think I gained weight! I really don't know if I should laugh at them or cry, but I assured my friend that I wasn't and will not be in the near future.

Well, you see,because I'm fat, people tend to forget who I really am. They misjudge me, they don't look over my physical self. They tend to forget that I am one of the most behave kids they use to see in church, the most polite and the most patient. I do not hate these people but i despise their lack of respect towards myself and my family.

Now I'm really getting the feeling of being unwelcome, even in the church. But then, I have my faith to practice and so even if people would be staring, I will still go to church and do what I usually do every Sunday. HAAAAAY. Aren't they quite ashamed of thinking ill of others even if they're in Church?! :(

Filling the day with positive vibes!

2011-11-05T06:32:00.000-07:00

Good Morning Mooon!

It's a new day! I really do hope that today would be way better than yesterday. My dad said we'd be going to the mall to buy some stuff for my friend's debut on the eigth. HAAAAY. THE MALL! But I still hope that everything would turn out fine. I'll just stay away from pretty and cute stuff so I wouldn't be disappointed if I don't fit in those.

I'd write to you again later today.
Bye! :)

NOVEMBER 4, 2011

2011-11-04T18:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Mooon,

Today I started this new blog/diary. I did because I want other people to know and understand how hard life could be if you aren't physically endowed. Yes, I am blessed to be here in this world but sometimes I can't help but curse myself because I was born.

I am a 17 years old college girl. People say I'm smart, confident and mature. But most say I'm not ugly but unfortunately I'm fat. Fat in the sense of having arms and legs bigger than the usual arms and legs of girls my age.

I've been depressed these past few days especially when I see people who knew me since I was years younger, years when I was not as fat as I am now. I've been crying my heart out every moment I spend in the mall because no clothing of my preference would fit me, no pants would give justice to my age and no store could provide me with a dress that wouldn't make me look like a balloon.

And so today, I want to change my life, make it better. I wan't to share how difficult it is to be like me. I want to show the world that their words mean a lot and that people should consider how words could make or break a person.

This is ME and this is my story. . .